Tears

I ask the one question that people don't know, what's wrong with me...this is a question that I have been asking my self for the last 10 years so the end of high school the beginning of college. It has become apparent that mentally something is wrong, I've killed or destroyed things that I loved or was working toward. You know I think I'm slowly slipping into madness, my mind is slowly being eroaded by me being in this area, the stagnation and filth is poison to my ever dulling mind. I need help, this is my call I just need help. I'm not happy anymore and if I am happy it is a false sense of happyness, I think I'm going back to my old ways hopeing for the worst because it won't get any better, please god help me get away from this place and into something better, away from the poison of my life...sorry I failed everyone...

Well I fucked up pretty bad now, I ruined my relationship and a friendship. I really shouldn't be anywhere right now. Over the weekend I kissed my ex and Ashley found out and it was a huge mess. I'm a horrible person.

I'm sorry, this isn't the way I wanted things to turn out. My life is in shambles right now, first thing first since I lost my good job it's been real hard to pay bills it's put a huge strain on my relationship, because of this we're drifting a part. She's already given me a deadline of June 30 to find a better paying job before she walks out of my life. I just feel like a new job isn't around the corner it's going to come when I'm at the lowest point in my life and it feels like I'm there already I have bills piling up I can't catch up to them cuz I can only afford to pay one or two of them, my GF is stressed cuz she's helping me pay my and hers bills but that's damn near putting her in the hospital. I just wish that I could go back to the past and change up the decisions that screwed up things now. I hate the job I'm at now the boss doesn't know anything, doesn't know how to talk to people and it just a gererally bad person. I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like I'm doing the right things but I'm not getting the results that I need to succed, it's like all of my friends are moving ten times faster in life than i am and I'm moving backword. I feel like I haven't really started my life and at 27 when is it going to start 

What's up everyone just poping by to say hello world. I'm quite enjoying life right now I'm waiting on a job interview but I have high hopes for this job. In the mean time I'm out I have some stuff to take care of 

-jcash 

Big changes ahead

As the title suggest, there are changes coming

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to me, I guess it's another year older and another year wiser. I hope this statement is true because last year was the most bs of all bs, for one I got a GF and it was magical I loved every minute of it. Then we got pregnant, then she had a miscarriage, then she was and still is depressed (which made me depressed) and now we are broken up. And to think this all happened in one year. Crazy. Now all I have to do is get my life back in order at least school is about to start so there will be people around to get me up and active and now working then coming home to sadness isn't good for me. 

Well I gotta say it's been quite awhile since I've posted on here almost an entire year an what a year it has been, a lot of ups and downs mostly downs. I've been trying to get myself back together but I feel like I've been fragmented for far too long to start pulling my select back together I guess it all began when my GF got pregnant and had the mischarage then from there I got laid off from UMES and now are employed in the bookstore not something that I want but I need the money so I'm sucking it up. It seems like life keeps throwing me curve balls some of which I feel are hard to excape plus this place is like a blackhole sucking things in and not letting go. I have bigger dreams and aspersions than this place and I wish I could just have the courge to get up leave and try my luck somewhere else  I'm just afraid that I would be homeless once I do that after bills that I have been paying start to pile up well I'm going to try to get back to work