I need professional help, something is wrong with me 

October

Well it's almost the end of the month and I gotta say it's almost like it was last year where I don't have a job at the end of the month. It's ok though I shouldn't be like I was last year where I didn't have another job until March. I am decated to finding another job before the beginning of the year. I'm tired of being broke it's like the more I try the more bills start to pile up. So no more sitting around for me, I can't just let the jobs try and come to me I have to go out and find them myself 

Work

I guess I've made life harder than it. By letting my pride get in the way or being fearful of the unknown I've missed out on some choice opportunities. I gotta figure out how to get on the right track to stop flailing about and to put rubber to the road before it's too late. 

Birthday

You know as bad as I thought today was going to be it is turning out to be better than I expected 

Update

Things are starting to come together 

Still in the fight

I gotta say life has been extra tough for me as of late. I've been looking for jobs left and right but it seems like the jobs that I desire dont want to target me while the customer service jobs are chomping at the bit to get me to work for them. That's not what I want, I want to effectively use my accounting degree. I still don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm trying to change my life but it is hard. I hear everyday that I'm not doing thing and that I'm lazy or people are saying that I shouldn't be with the people I love, it's really hurtful. I don't know what I'm doing wrong sometimes I want to run away to a secluded place and disappear. It's like I want to sleep and never wake up because I'm happier in the dream world than in the real world. It's like I'm more successful there than here and I know that it's not real but I'm tired of being a failure. I just want everything to start going my way. I think people don't know what type of stress that I'm going through, mentally I'm fragmented, phycially I feel like my time on earth is coming to and end. And now I've been kicked out of the house for the next 2 days for what idk. Why can't it be my time why can't I be special and have everything I need I'm tired of my life now I'm ready to go home...