So once again ive fuck things up with people around me, sometimes i wonder what goes on through my mind because thinking isnt what i do best anymore. right now im sitting around crying over the fact that I mispoke over something that my friend asked me. First i didnt even know how to respond to that question i just

Well my birthday is coming up, and i want to go out and have some type of fun. but i'm not sure that its going to happen. well for one there's no transportation to go anywhere and that's the big issue here. I really would like to have fun this weekend but my friend that is staying with me isn't in a good mood right now. that's one thing that makes me sad, for a person that has such a strong will lets someone else control her. The other thing is that i'll never know how she feels right now but I really want to help her. sigh... its just another fun time in my life. And now she's not even talking to me, i just feel like its unfair that its so simple to fix her problem but you know I can only show people the path.

-jcash

So here we are on another Saturday trying to get work done. I can't really do anything anymore. You know from my experiences now a days it seems that every time I can't stay happy, like I can be happy for a couple of days then people just generally want to take my happiness away from me why... I'm sure no one really knows I don't even know any more. I just want my life back it's so depressing that I can't have nice things. I'm still working toward getting my license and it's just troubling because there's places I want to go and I can't cuz I dont have a car and I don't have a license. I don't have anything I'm a failure a real failure cant even get a girl im just the friend. No one wants to take a chance with me I only have work to look forward to and nothing more. I'm just tired of it...why can't I have the things that I want it like someone wants to take everything away that I try to work for its fucking awful, I feel embarrassed that I don't have a license it so fucking hard to work toward cuz there's people that pass on the first try and I'm 25 working on something that I should have gotten when I was in my teens but no one wanted to help me look for a car so I just didn't try for one and now look at me I just am a failure to launch as my friend would say. I really wonder if I could just disappear would it make a difference I'm not even sure anymore about my life. I mean the only thing that I look forward to work and that's not even fulfilling anymore. I just wish I could pack my bags leave and never have to return to this place. I'm just not even here anymore it's like I'm a shell of my self, what happen to all the fun times in life...oh yea that's right life happened. That's what ruined everything life. I guess they were right about how life isn't fair and how people love taking the easy way out. I'm tired so so tired...

Not really having a title

Hello everyone, I'm just stopping by to post a couple of updates on my life. I still have my place and my friend is staying with me, which is pretty cool. Well I do enjoy her staying with me though I'm head over heels in love with her( that's a story for another day), I really enjoy her company and she is making the move away from home a lot better. She keeps me company in the room because without her I would sit around my room and watch Netflix all night then go to bed early lol. Work is pretty fun, Im getting through it pretty quickly and the days are going by really quickly. Im not too big of a fan of that, the faster the days go by the faster people come and go from my life. I'm going to be really sad once school starts and my friend moves into her room for the semester because since she has stayed with me i've grown accustom to seeing her as soon as I get home. Its always nice to see someone that you care for sitting in your room (even though she will never be my girl) its nice just to have her presents around. Well I could talk about her all day but I cant because im at work and the mid-day oil is burning so cya for not and i'll update more later

-jcash

Big things

Well its been too long since i've last posted anything on here and its been a couple of different things going on in my life. First things first I'm still working at school and its been real fun, now I can see what the rest of the year has in store for me. Though it is quite light compared to when I started. Second thing that has happened to me is that i"ve moved out of my house and into an house that has rooms to rent. Now I know that it sounds funny but moving out of my house is a really big decision for me. Im not sure how long im going to be out of the house but i do know that its a big change since i really havent done anything crazy like this, even now its like moms not around and im on my own. I know that I can be strong through out this and its not like im out cold turkey because this week is Otakon week so at least i have something to look forward to at the end of the week, now on the other hand i wont be alone, i do have friend that will come and check up on me lol. Well in the mean time i'll update more later

-jcash

Quick pt1

OK i'm going to make this a quick one since i'm at work making this post. This week started the new year for UMES also known as the new fiscal year here. This week also marks 6 months working here, and in these six months there's been a lot of changes around here i'll have to get into those more later since this is supposed to be quick The one thing that i can say from working here for these short 6 months is that i'm glad that i have an opportunity to get more experience working in my field

Serendipity

Well I'm happy to say that I might be moving out from home. I just need to save some cash up and I'm in there like swimwear. I wonder if my friend is going to tag along and come with me to my place. I thought that it would be kinda cool for her to come along but now I'm thinking thunder and lighting. What I mean by that is yea we will get along pretty well together and she will force me to cook and get over my fear of touching raw meat but the lighting part of it is that we'll but heads a lot and I love her to death but we would have to really get use to being in the same room for long periods of time. I know that I have a lot of different tendencies that she doesn't know about and I know also she does a lot of things that I don't know about but we would have to work it out. By the way she isn't my GF she a friend a close friend, someone that I do a lot for...
-jcash

You know part 2

You know I'm not to sure how long I'm going to go with series but it seems to me that it's going to go on for awhile. I'm afraid of what might happen to my friend, she's really depressed and there's nothing I can do to help. She left for the week to go back home and she should be back sometime after next week but I'm afraid that she might not come back not just come back to school, but to not come back at all. You see her BF broke up with her and she's really torn up about it. But before I give you a little bit of details, now they had a conversation maybe like a week ago and he said that he wasn't in love with her any more. She was quite devistated and I understand her feelings with that but with a break up looming she should have been prepared for it to happen . She should have seen it coming and shouldn't have taking it to the extreme that she's taking it to. It's like we're now the opposites. I was super depressed about a lot of things and she was happy as a clam, now that I'm happy she isn't. This bothers me because it seem like when I get close to a girl that I have strong feelings for depending on my state of mind they have the opposite state, and I know that I've mentioned it before but this is the second time this has happened. Now back to what I was saying earlier I'm afraid that she might do something to her self. She sent a mass txt to people saying she was sorry, I shot her a txt back and she hasn't hit me back, this has me very worried. I stopped her last time from doing anything bad but if I can't be near her this time she might follow thru. I'm not sure if I could handle a friend that I have extremely strong feelings for killing them selfs over a boy. The only thing that I can think of is that she needs to figure out that regardless of what happened in the past he has moved on and she should too. It's darkest before the day. I wish she could listen to me, I care too much about her to watch her destroy her self over something small as a guy who has no respect for her. But I just hope and pray that she hasn't done anything bad to her self or anyone else
jcash

You know part 1

You know there's a lot of people in this world. You have the smart, dumb, intelligent, foolish and quick witted. Do u know what those words have in common they only describe 2 types of people. It's so weird to find that in a person that you know. And u know there's nothing to do to help them because life is about lessons, but sometimes it would be smart to help them out. Then again their pretty much hard headed and can't see what's in front of them to begin with. I don't claim to be a superhero because I don't want to be. I just want people to be aware of the pitfalls they are getting into. Believe it or not what they are doing is self-destructive and won't help them have a healthy relationship with anyone from the past present and future. It's hard to watch them fall so far, even when they took time to help you out in your hour of need. It's so difficult to point them in the right direction when there heart is set on just the one thing that is keeping them from growing into the beautiful person that you know they are. It's awful and it sucks.

j-cash

Untitled

I have to wonder why people do the things that they do. The people in my club have been pissing me off for the past year and now they pull off this bullshit of choosing a new president behind my back. Now there wasn't an election at all, it was current prez picking who he wanted to pick. Now I know a lot of people would say isn't that soposed to happen? No it's the advisor (Me) and the president who interview people who are going to take up these spots, it's in our bylaws for this to happen. Nope it was a rouge decision made by our mealy mouthed bitch-ass of a president who has been doing shit like this for the past year. It's been making my life a mess because I have to clean up after him or to make things right, it's not fair for me to take time out of my work schedule to fix your fuck ups. I really wanted to quit being the advisor because this whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth, it's like I can't get these people to act like adults. How in the hell are they going to last in the working world. Well I can tell u one thing this shit ends when his dumb ass leaves

-jcash

It's been awhile/ updates

Well everyone it's been ages since I've updated this blog and alot has happened. Nothing like social life stuff but more of a working sort of thing. I've moved up in the world and now I'm the Accountant of the Athletics Dept for UMES. Now this was a huge move in my life, now I feel like I'm moving forward into my career, now I feel like I'm going places. Now if I could only go places in other aspects of life that would be good. I know a couple of my friends told me to stop looking for a girl cuz one would eventually pop up into my life and I now get what they ment by that, I can't rush things but maybe I was wrong about my life. I always thought I was on a short string with my life cuz of my heart problems maybe I'll be around here longer that I thought and I hope I do cuz I want to do very big things with my life. I also came up with a new goal, I need to see all the wonders of the world before I die. I came up with this after seeing the niagiara falls and I think this would be a good thing to go for, way better than my previous goal collect sand from every major beach in the world. I mean both goals are world traveling just one is more feasible than the other. I'm still carless but I have the cash to actually buy one I just need to find something that works for me. Ok some other things that I need to talk about I'm still trying to fig out how I can continue my manga collection and my anime collection cuz companies are closing down which means it might get harder to find good shows. Also I'm trying to move out which isn't looking like its going to work out anytime soon but I have high hopes...well until next time with I'm pretty sure will be next week cuz I'm going to have alot to say

-jcash

DONE

im writing this post to say that im done talking to the girls on campus. why u may ask, its because the same things keep happening to me all the time so to change the outcome i'll leave them be for now and ever