Still in the fight

I gotta say life has been extra tough for me as of late. I've been looking for jobs left and right but it seems like the jobs that I desire dont want to target me while the customer service jobs are chomping at the bit to get me to work for them. That's not what I want, I want to effectively use my accounting degree. I still don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm trying to change my life but it is hard. I hear everyday that I'm not doing thing and that I'm lazy or people are saying that I shouldn't be with the people I love, it's really hurtful. I don't know what I'm doing wrong sometimes I want to run away to a secluded place and disappear. It's like I want to sleep and never wake up because I'm happier in the dream world than in the real world. It's like I'm more successful there than here and I know that it's not real but I'm tired of being a failure. I just want everything to start going my way. I think people don't know what type of stress that I'm going through, mentally I'm fragmented, phycially I feel like my time on earth is coming to and end. And now I've been kicked out of the house for the next 2 days for what idk. Why can't it be my time why can't I be special and have everything I need I'm tired of my life now I'm ready to go home...