its been awhile

So i guess its been awhile since talking on here and i know that ive been depressed on here alot and its true that ive been depressed but getting on here has helped me vent so it is what it is. Im not sure if ive said anything about my plans but one of my plans is to move away from Maryland. The only problem is that im not sure when thats going to happen. One more thing its not going to be anywhere close I'll be moving to CT and yes i know that it going to be far but hey i need to get out and away from this place and im sure that it would be a nice change of pace. Some other things that have happened to me is that i broke down and bought a laptop, well i need to get one anyway so i waited until black friday to pick one up. i got a really good deal on it too from best buy and speaking of best buy i also bought a 3DS too lol. well i'll talk more on things that have been going on in my life all of the crazy happening with the different crazy girls i know

Weekend

This weekend was a very trying weekend for me. For one my tv went up on me. Before i start off i saw my friend off for the weekend...sigh. This started when I came home on Thursday I turned on my tv and went to make a sandwich, when I came back my tv had it's menu on. I thought that was kinda strange so I went to cut it off and my remote wasn't working. Hmmm so I tool the batteries out and put them back in and it was still messing up. I cut my tv off thinking that it would help it just cut it self back on. I was saying that this is strange cuz the tv isn't over 2 years old. I'm getting madder and madder cuz I wanted to watch tv cuz it was a Thursday and wrestling is on. So I went to bed after wrestling went off. Friday was pretty good the anime society had there meeting, it was pretty fun. It's nice see new members joining the club. Saturday I had my martial arts marathon, that went very good in my opinion almost had some issues but they got resolved. So today is Sunday and my friend is coming back to the school, more updated a little later

Not sure if I want to write about this

So today I had a talk with one of my friends today in her room on campus and it was getting pretty heated cuz she wanted me to talk to her about my feelings. I didn't really want to but she got me to break down and tell her my story. I told her almost everything about me, the things that go on at home, my money problems, family problems just stuff like that. I don't feel better that I have talked about it cuz I'm walking right into my family problems. It's just that I never thought I could be in the position that I'm in right now but the world is against me as usual

Update

Ok so I'm getting a lot of heat from people now a days. And it's crazy why people are getting pissed off at me and I still don't know why. In other news still going crazy from the girls around here, family still driving me crazy. Well that's all for now, I might treat this like twitter since I can now access it when ever I need to

New way to blog

I know I haven't been on in awhile so hey what's up. Now that I have a blogging app on my phone I'm going to be blogging very often

im bothered

ok shit is hitting the fan, and im a little tired of everything going on right now. Its too much compounding all at once and im getting real sick of it. im tired of doing the same things every day. im tired of people getting mad at me for no reason. im tired of missed oppertunities because people dont want to give out vital info. im even tired of living in the same place that ive lived at since i was born. is it too much to ask for some type of change, im getting to the point were im starting to hate things and people. everyone keeps asking me whats wrong, do u really want to know whats wrong EVERYTHING, thats whats wrong. i cant take a step forward with out the rug getting taken from under me and i fall on my face. im getiting tired of waiting for things and i know people keep telling me good things are going to happen but when, when im dead, cuz thats what is seems to be happening. u know i dont get into regilion a lot because that automatily starts a flame war and i understand that people believe in what they were raised on but i just need help from a higher power to just point me in the right direction and then maybe i can make some head way in my life, but right now im just stuck

my birthday

happy birthday to me, that is all....seriously that's it for the update

better news then what i posted earlier

so today has been an interesting one at best. first thing that i wake up to is my uncle fussing at my grandmother for some shit i dont even know was about. thats not what made today interesting no not at all. well let me start off by saying were getting work done on the house, having said that were getting new doors on the house. you would think that would be ok maybe neat if u like that kinda stuff or if your a home owner then you know or may know what we had to do today, because they guy was going to work on the doors we had to not run the air conditioner. yes we had to have a day without A/C and what makes it worse is that it was going to be one of the hottest days this week. also this is day one meaning that there is a day two tomorrow so that means that no A/C for the majority of the day tomorrow too. it was dumb hot in the house today without the A/C and i just dont want to go back to the dark days of no A/C. but yea it was hot in the house, it was so hot i was napping i the only time i usually nap is when ever im sick but the heat was just draining on me it was a mess and three quarters. so thats explained on the the better news from today, i got the call today for to renew my contract with the school. that means that i'll be able to have money coming toward me soon...i just have to wait a month before i'll be getting it. so thats the big news for today, i might have more tomorrow im not sure though

well on to good things

well after ive said my peace on to bigger and better things, so ive been in the market to do something big. how big u ask well a car is in order but thats kinda not what im talking about. and yea i kno its important but im getting to that point in getting a car. woah and dont go thinking that its a new computer either thats not even on the radar, the amount of money that would be going into a computer would be enough money to go into an appartment in the city. so whats the big news that im talking about, well ive done alot of research on it and im in the process of getting my podcast off the ground. exciting isnt it. i dont even know what were going to be talking about on it. i just got to say its going to be funny and a lot of inside humor jokes on it. there wont be any guests cuz why do we need guests were the guests lol. ive also looked into getting a website with the name of the radio show to and to copyright the name of the show too. the best part the domain name isnt taken oh happy and joyest day so i'll keep my blog updated more often eventhough i say that all the time i'll do it this time

anger

you know i would like to think that i have a anger problem but i think that i do. for the sole purpose that i seem to get mad at people for no reason and when i do this i end up saying something to hurt there feelings. they get mad at me and never want to speak to me again and i understand y they do. this problem has been apparent for awhile for me no and i don't know what to do. i said some hurtful things to a person that i care about a lot recently. the think that i said to her was that she didn't care about me. now i know what people are going to say to me, there going to call me all types of names and stuff. there right i am all of those names i am the one thing that i tried not to be, an asshole of a guy who only cares about himself. i wanted to show people that nice guys exist in the world and now because of my actions i have soiled my good name or what name i had left. you know this world had given me lots of lemons and because of these lemons i give them back at people not because im an ass to people its because i cant feel good about myself. i just want to have more in life right now, for example i want a car, a good job with lots of money, a girlfriend u know things like that. but as i stand right here before everyone i wallow in my on self destruction, y because i cant help it. i cant help the fact that i put myself down all the time because i cant seem to get anything started. im sitting in a pool of constant set backs its like i move forward and then 5 steps back. i just wish for once that someone could give me a little sign that would point me in the right direction. as it stands now my mind is lost to the either cant get started if im not in the race. im a destroyer not a lover like i once thought i was. its like people see me as a beacon of hope of some light that can shine through the darkness but im not that beacon my heart is as dark as the next person but im not going to let the darkness erode or destroy the fabric of my being i'll use it for goodness. light and dark are just colors in the wheel of life it wont rule me. my anger will not encroach on my feelings toward the life's that i have met and or will meet. i will not be a rageaholic like some of my family members are, it will not control me. before i go it feels good to let some of this go in writing that is, maybe i'll find an outlet to let more of it go on a consistent bases

Well I'm back and once again I'm depressed, the only reason why I'm feeling like this is...as much as most people tell me not to worry about the girl problems that I have I have no other choice into worrying about it. It like I cant win no matter what I do, it's like if a girl likes me I don't know what to do but treat them good but it seems that when I treat them good they want to constantly use me to buy stuff for them but I know that I'm going the wrong way with alot of it but I don't know how else to treat a girl and then there's the other girls that I really want to get with but they see my other friends and they automatically run to them cuz they're more interesting at least thats what they think. I mean that I know that I have more going for me than most people that I know but it seem that the assholes always win no matter what I do. The one thing that I'm tired of saying is that one day things will be different but it seems that this day will never come. Maybe if I left and cut off all social network portals and never came back would people really miss me or will it just be a repeat of what it is now...one can never know...

So I've started to figure some things out in my life, hello btw, I think that I'm going to be an eternal third wheel for the majority of my life. I'll finish this up later

happy new year

well i just got to say that wow its been awhile since i last posted and i just got to say that alot has happened. ok first thing is first i got my contract renewed for this semester at school. so this means that i have a job for another six months that pays pretty well. that being said i have also been thinking about quitting Gamestop. the reason being is that for one they're some people there that just dont like me, i know that u cant win over all the people all the time and that you will attract haters in every walk of life but still these people i havent done a thing to. another major think that happened is that my computer kinda blew up, not in the literal sense but you get the picture. so now i have to save up money to get another computer and on top of that i still have to pay off the state and federal gov. man its just a big money sink, and on top of that i still have other problems too, damn...sadface. one day hopefully i wont have all of these problems, though my social life isnt bad which is suprising, i have a new out look on things that has helped me not care about things that happen at school and has helped evoled my personality too. well im about to go to bed i'll try to get update more often

-J-Cash